For years (and even now, if I’m honest) I waited for permission.
I needed confirmation from this person or an OK from that authority. I needed someone to say my idea was good enough, that I was on target or at least getting close.
And then it hit me.
I was waiting for reassurance that my idea would be accepted. But, by whom?
The more I thought about it, the more I realized there wasn’t a committee in the sky judging whether or not my idea was good enough. There wasn’t a single, all-knowing voice granting or denying me permission.
There wasn’t a set of guidelines that said: Yes, you are savvy enough or smart enough or worthy of this. Go get ’em tiger.
In truth, I was free to do what I wanted to do. It was OK.
I didn’t need someone else to tell me to go for it. I didn’t need someone else to do it first. I didn’t need anyone’s approval.
If something sounded good, I was free to try it. Of course, it might not work. But that isn’t the point.
The point is freedom. There was no more waiting, only ideas to mold and plans to act on.
I hereby grant you lifelong permission.
I know I’m different from most (don’t get me started!), but chances are good that you’re waiting just as I did.
You’re waiting for approval, for acceptance, for permission.
And though you don’t need any of that, I’m giving it to you just in case the message above isn’t enough to soothe your worried mind.
I grant you permission.
I grant you permission to be yourself. I grant you permission to take that brilliant idea you have and run with it. I grant you permission to live outside the norm and to hop-skip-jump to the beat of your own quirky drummer.
I grant you permission to do things you’ve never done.
I grant you permission to reach out to other people in ways you never have, pushing yourself past where it feels comfortable, but where it feels real.
I grant you permission to say what you think and to feel what you feel.
I grant you permission to stop doing what you think we want you to do. We don’t want you to do that anyway.
I grant you permission, my friend, to do, to be, and to have all the things that quiet little voice of hope whispers in your ear.
Don’t wait. Don’t linger. Make something happen.
You can do it. It’s OK.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Why 'present day' relationships in Ghana don't work: 14th February, 2011
In this month of love and expectedly today the feast of St. Valentine, I would like to go through some of my personal observations regarding the fate of recent marriages.
Generations ago when our grandparents were children, the woman’s place was the home. She took care of the domestic needs of her family. If she was single, her duty was to her parents and brothers; when married it was to her husband, children and in-laws. A girl was considered ripe for marriage as soon as she experiences her first monthly flow and the 'puberty rite' of passage of initiation from childhood to adulthood was performed for her. A man’s duty was to himself and parents until he got married. In the Patrilineal system of inheritance he had a share in his father’s property. In the Matrilineal system, he had a share in his maternal uncle’s property. He was considered ripe for marriage if he had a regular source of income and had his own accommodation and household needs. Marriage was contracted between two families instead of only the two individuals involved. The two families owed it a duty to ensure the success of the sacred contract.
Most women were full time home makers and even when they earned some income at all, it was meager.
To them a husband was a 'lord' and a 'father figure', the one who took care of their every need. Since most 'girl children' had no share in the inheritance of their fathers house, their aspiration was to get married to a responsible and industrious man who was capable of taking care of all their needs including their financial needs. To most men, it was a big favour to have asked for a woman’s hand in marriage and for most women it was a privilege if someone came to ask for your hand in marriage.
Most women had no say in decision making of their homes since they remained at the receiving end of their husbands taste, choice, preference and generosity in all issues including those that were of direct relation to the welfare of the woman.
Today, a lot has changed. Most girls are considered ripe for marriage after completing a trade or completion of a form of post-secondary profession or University degree. The average Ghanaian woman is employed and earns enough to take care of her needs. The reality of situations is that, she now rubs shoulders with her male counterpart. Also, today, young men are considered ripe not only when they have a decent job and accommodation but when they meet a girl they will want to marry without necessarily having social or financial independence.
Today, young women don't sit at home waiting for a man to ask their hand in marriage anymore. They meet their spouses whilst studying or at the work environment. Arrangements are made without concrete input from parents or respective extended families.
The union therefore is greatly dependent on the two individuals involved. The expenses of some marriages are paid for by both the man and the woman. So right from the onset, 'power sharing' begins :).
In the midst of challenges, it is the two individuals involved who thrush it out. There is very little family influence or involvement which helped save some marriages in the past. Therefore when the two involved get tired of trying, they end it at their own level.
In addition, in the past, the woman was in charge of every household chore since that was her contribution towards the running of the home. Today’s woman wishes for some help in this regard since her duties extend beyond the home to a carrier. If her expectations in this regard are not met, it could be a source of tension.
Secondly, in the past 'submission' on the part of the woman came naturally since she depended on the husband for her every need. Today, submission is not the fancy of many women and does not seem to make sense to them once they pay for their every need including 'dowry' sometimes :). If the man's expectation in this regard is not met, it could create problems.
Also, some young men still have the ideas of their grandfathers :) regarding the role of a wife. He has not risen to the reality that the world has evolved, the environment has changed and so has mentalities. This when not handled cautiously can challenge the foundations of the marriage.
I believe that all the parties involved in today’s marriage should rise to the challenges that culture is dynamic and some of the ways of doing things have changed. It is only when recent realities are acknowledged can people make informed decisions and judgments to save their marriages.
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY !!!
Generations ago when our grandparents were children, the woman’s place was the home. She took care of the domestic needs of her family. If she was single, her duty was to her parents and brothers; when married it was to her husband, children and in-laws. A girl was considered ripe for marriage as soon as she experiences her first monthly flow and the 'puberty rite' of passage of initiation from childhood to adulthood was performed for her. A man’s duty was to himself and parents until he got married. In the Patrilineal system of inheritance he had a share in his father’s property. In the Matrilineal system, he had a share in his maternal uncle’s property. He was considered ripe for marriage if he had a regular source of income and had his own accommodation and household needs. Marriage was contracted between two families instead of only the two individuals involved. The two families owed it a duty to ensure the success of the sacred contract.
Most women were full time home makers and even when they earned some income at all, it was meager.
To them a husband was a 'lord' and a 'father figure', the one who took care of their every need. Since most 'girl children' had no share in the inheritance of their fathers house, their aspiration was to get married to a responsible and industrious man who was capable of taking care of all their needs including their financial needs. To most men, it was a big favour to have asked for a woman’s hand in marriage and for most women it was a privilege if someone came to ask for your hand in marriage.
Most women had no say in decision making of their homes since they remained at the receiving end of their husbands taste, choice, preference and generosity in all issues including those that were of direct relation to the welfare of the woman.
Today, a lot has changed. Most girls are considered ripe for marriage after completing a trade or completion of a form of post-secondary profession or University degree. The average Ghanaian woman is employed and earns enough to take care of her needs. The reality of situations is that, she now rubs shoulders with her male counterpart. Also, today, young men are considered ripe not only when they have a decent job and accommodation but when they meet a girl they will want to marry without necessarily having social or financial independence.
Today, young women don't sit at home waiting for a man to ask their hand in marriage anymore. They meet their spouses whilst studying or at the work environment. Arrangements are made without concrete input from parents or respective extended families.
The union therefore is greatly dependent on the two individuals involved. The expenses of some marriages are paid for by both the man and the woman. So right from the onset, 'power sharing' begins :).
In the midst of challenges, it is the two individuals involved who thrush it out. There is very little family influence or involvement which helped save some marriages in the past. Therefore when the two involved get tired of trying, they end it at their own level.
In addition, in the past, the woman was in charge of every household chore since that was her contribution towards the running of the home. Today’s woman wishes for some help in this regard since her duties extend beyond the home to a carrier. If her expectations in this regard are not met, it could be a source of tension.
Secondly, in the past 'submission' on the part of the woman came naturally since she depended on the husband for her every need. Today, submission is not the fancy of many women and does not seem to make sense to them once they pay for their every need including 'dowry' sometimes :). If the man's expectation in this regard is not met, it could create problems.
Also, some young men still have the ideas of their grandfathers :) regarding the role of a wife. He has not risen to the reality that the world has evolved, the environment has changed and so has mentalities. This when not handled cautiously can challenge the foundations of the marriage.
I believe that all the parties involved in today’s marriage should rise to the challenges that culture is dynamic and some of the ways of doing things have changed. It is only when recent realities are acknowledged can people make informed decisions and judgments to save their marriages.
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY !!!
Friday, January 14, 2011
HAPPY NEW YEAR (January 2011)
It has been a while and I guess you have been wondering what happened. I have been doing a lot of 'inward looking' and 'personal assessment' as the year was drawing to a close.
However I decided to write most of my thoughts in my memoir rather that post them in public. So here we are. To start with, I must say that God has been so good to me!!! The year 2010 was not easy. It was a year of growing up, loosing my mind and rediscovering it J. I have also strained myself like I have never before in order to prove a point.
I look forward to a more relaxed year, strategically working as my kid bro will say, 'working smart' and not 'working hard'. I fought a lot of battles the past year. This year I would rather watch as the lord fights my battles for me. As for me, the only one I trust wholeheartedly is my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He is my source, strength and sustainer.
The year is entirely dedicated to him. I have my plans and definitely will work towards achieving them. But ‘unless the lord builds the house, the laborers labor in vain’. So sweet Jesus, take the wheel and drive me to happiness, wealth, health and accomplished dreams. I wish same for my family and friends.
Happy New Year
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)