In this month of love and expectedly today the feast of St. Valentine, I would like to go through some of my personal observations regarding the fate of recent marriages.
Generations ago when our grandparents were children, the woman’s place was the home. She took care of the domestic needs of her family. If she was single, her duty was to her parents and brothers; when married it was to her husband, children and in-laws. A girl was considered ripe for marriage as soon as she experiences her first monthly flow and the 'puberty rite' of passage of initiation from childhood to adulthood was performed for her. A man’s duty was to himself and parents until he got married. In the Patrilineal system of inheritance he had a share in his father’s property. In the Matrilineal system, he had a share in his maternal uncle’s property. He was considered ripe for marriage if he had a regular source of income and had his own accommodation and household needs. Marriage was contracted between two families instead of only the two individuals involved. The two families owed it a duty to ensure the success of the sacred contract.
Most women were full time home makers and even when they earned some income at all, it was meager.
To them a husband was a 'lord' and a 'father figure', the one who took care of their every need. Since most 'girl children' had no share in the inheritance of their fathers house, their aspiration was to get married to a responsible and industrious man who was capable of taking care of all their needs including their financial needs. To most men, it was a big favour to have asked for a woman’s hand in marriage and for most women it was a privilege if someone came to ask for your hand in marriage.
Most women had no say in decision making of their homes since they remained at the receiving end of their husbands taste, choice, preference and generosity in all issues including those that were of direct relation to the welfare of the woman.
Today, a lot has changed. Most girls are considered ripe for marriage after completing a trade or completion of a form of post-secondary profession or University degree. The average Ghanaian woman is employed and earns enough to take care of her needs. The reality of situations is that, she now rubs shoulders with her male counterpart. Also, today, young men are considered ripe not only when they have a decent job and accommodation but when they meet a girl they will want to marry without necessarily having social or financial independence.
Today, young women don't sit at home waiting for a man to ask their hand in marriage anymore. They meet their spouses whilst studying or at the work environment. Arrangements are made without concrete input from parents or respective extended families.
The union therefore is greatly dependent on the two individuals involved. The expenses of some marriages are paid for by both the man and the woman. So right from the onset, 'power sharing' begins :).
In the midst of challenges, it is the two individuals involved who thrush it out. There is very little family influence or involvement which helped save some marriages in the past. Therefore when the two involved get tired of trying, they end it at their own level.
In addition, in the past, the woman was in charge of every household chore since that was her contribution towards the running of the home. Today’s woman wishes for some help in this regard since her duties extend beyond the home to a carrier. If her expectations in this regard are not met, it could be a source of tension.
Secondly, in the past 'submission' on the part of the woman came naturally since she depended on the husband for her every need. Today, submission is not the fancy of many women and does not seem to make sense to them once they pay for their every need including 'dowry' sometimes :). If the man's expectation in this regard is not met, it could create problems.
Also, some young men still have the ideas of their grandfathers :) regarding the role of a wife. He has not risen to the reality that the world has evolved, the environment has changed and so has mentalities. This when not handled cautiously can challenge the foundations of the marriage.
I believe that all the parties involved in today’s marriage should rise to the challenges that culture is dynamic and some of the ways of doing things have changed. It is only when recent realities are acknowledged can people make informed decisions and judgments to save their marriages.
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY !!!
