I hope you enjoy reading this

'The science of new year’s resolutions: Why 88% fail and how to make them work Posted on Tuesday, January 1st, 2013 Written by Leo Widrich'

 Wanting to change yourself and better yourself is a beautiful and inspiring thing I believe. And it turns out that’s also how most other people think: 50% of all Americans for example set themselves a new year’s resolution . That’s pretty amazing! What’s not so great is that according to the researcher Richard Wiseman 88% of all those set resolutions from half of America and probably lots of other people in the world fail. That’s 156 million failed resolutions and disappointed minds each and every year. The sheer numbers of this really made me think. I wanted to understand better why we are so bad at keeping our newly set out resolutions and what we can do to actually make them stick. Here is the actual science behind setting a new year’s resolution and more science on how you can actually change yourself for the better: Your brain can’t handle new year’s resolutions – here is why What we need to stick to our new year’s resolutions is willpower. Your brain cells that operate willpower are located in the prefrontal cortex, which is the area right behind your forehead. That particular area of the brain is also responsible for staying focused, handling short-term memory and solving abstract tasks for example. Now, when you set a new year’s resolution, an enormous amount of willpower is required. It’s an amount that your brain simply can’t handle.

To put more scientifically, this is what’s happening inside your prefrontal cortex, best described through a Stanford experiment by Prof. Baba Shiv: A group of undergraduate students were divided into 2 groups. One group was given a two-digit number to remember. The other was given a seven-digit number to remember. Then, after a short walk through the hall, they were offered the choice between two snacks: a slice of chocolate cake or a bowl of fruit. What’s most surprising: The students with 7-digit numbers to remember were twice as likely to pick the slice of chocolate compared to the students with the 2-digits. The reasoning of why this happens? According to Prof. Shiv, it’s very obvious: “Those extra numbers took up valuable space in the brain—they were a “cognitive load”—making it that much harder to resist a decadent dessert.” So your pre-frontal cortex that handles willpower is like a muscle, that needs to be trained, as Tony Schwartz always mentions . If you decide to train that muscle at the start of the new year with a resolution to quit smoking, start going to the gym, or lose lots of weight, that’s the equivalent of a 300 pound barbell you want to lift without any previous training. It’s no surprise that your brain can’t do the heavy lifting. Resolutions vs. Habits – why vague aspirations don’t work with us humans “What a mistake – the whole idea around New Year’s resolutions. People aren’t picking specific behaviors, they’re picking abstractions,” says BJ Fogg from Stanford University. The problem is clear, any abstract goal you have, that is not tied to a specific behavior is near impossible for your brain to focus on. Making it “instinctual”, which is the crucial aspect, that will help you achieve any new habit, is missing in 90% of all new year’s resolutions, which makes them so likely to fail. Instead, the key is to make any goal a habit first. And most importantly, make it a tiny one.

Here is a list of examples of how this translates to some of the 4 most common new year’s resolutions: Resolution: Quit smoking vs. Habit: Only stop smoking that 1 cigarette you have every morning after breakfast Resolution: Eat healthy food vs. Habit: Start substituting that 1 daily morning pastry for a banana Resolution: Lose Weight vs. Habit: Every evening after work, go for a 2-3 minute run or walk around the block. Resolution: Manage stress vs. Habit: Meditate for 2-3 minutes every morning after you wake up. By immediately breaking down each resolution and seeing what the smallest habit could be, your chances of succeeding will be 50% higher than if you leave it vague.

There is nothing more, you make it so stupidly easy and simple for yourself to create that habit, that there is almost no way you can fail with it. Ok, but now enough of why the dark and gloomy reasons of new year’s resolutions don’t work. What can we really do to make them work? 4 most important parts to make your new year’s resolution stick So if you’ve set yourself a few big new changes, here are the most important things to consider to actually change your behavior for a better you:

1. Pick only one resolution As Stanford’s Prof. Shiv explained with her “cognitive overload” experiment, sticking to more than 1 new year’s resolution is near impossible for your brain to handle. Instead, analyze everything you’ve thought about to change and pick the one thing that’s most important for you. Then, let go of everything else, otherwise you’ll be picking the chocolate cake for every situation, instead of the choice that you set out to make.

2. Take baby steps – make it a tiny habit Now that you’ve picked one resolution, make sure to break down as far as you can, to the simplest task possible. If your resolution is “going to the gym”, turn it into the tiniest habit possible that you can perform in under 60 seconds.

HAPPY 2013

Hi folks, sorry for the long silence. A lot has gone under the bridge which you don't want to know but in all this, God has been faithful and here we are in new year called 2013.

I am Catholic and the Church has declared this year 'year of faith'. For those who believe in something or somebody, I want to charge you to rethink your faith. Rethink why 'faith' and the essence of faith.The holy book which I believe in defines faith as 'belief in things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen'(Heb. 11:1).

Profound. How do you believe in things that you have not see? The same way a businessman puts all his capital in a venture with the hope of gaining profits, we should be ready to take a big risk of trusting in whatever or where ever our 'faith' lies. It is in surrendering our all and giving our all that faith brings to birth the unseen.

In this new year, it is my prayer that we will get closer to your maker. That we will not rationalise our mediocrities and short falls but rather keep the faith going and allow faith to work with our works and by our works make faith perfect (James 2:22). HAPPY 2013

How to shift your thinking

http://www.briantracy.com/files/pages/videos/retrain.html?ssid=75d0e4b1-c72f-4727-a9c3-4c08ea9f4350

Sharing is caring

It's been a while and I believe you have been wondering what I have been up to. Busy with other aspects of my dear life :). Anyway, I saw this interesting piece and decided to share :. 'Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.

A Message by George Carlin: The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways ,but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete... Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. George Carlin'

Lent

It's been quite a while since I came here.Sorry about that. I have been writing elsewhere.[My journal, my thesis :)].Last wednesday, the christian community started Lent. A 40 day period before Easter.The focus is on prayer,fasting, self-denial, spiritual growth, conversion and simplicity. The 4 pillars of lent are repentance, prayer, fasting and almsgiving.These pillars have meaning even if one is not religious.

1.REPENTANCE: working on broken relationships. The human person is a social animal and hence is co-dependent of others. Broken relationships with friends and families people sad, lonely and unhappy. Any attempt at resporation and healthy and necessary.Restoration of our relationship with the maker is the most important.

2. PRAYER: Involves meditation and self examination. This is a time where the individual goes into themselves to rediscover who they really are and to communicate with a superior authority (In the christian sense,God Almighty)

3.FASTING: Occusional denial of the body of food has been proven to be medically rewarding. Also self denial of any form of pleasure uplifts ones spirit as well as builds discipline and self control.

4. ALMSGIVING: It is rewarding to the human person to be able to help another. Scripture also encourages almsgiving as a way of atonement for our sins.

I wish you a fruitful lent.

Are you waiting for permission? by Jason M. Garcia Author, Shifting the Balance

For years (and even now, if I’m honest) I waited for permission.

I needed confirmation from this person or an OK from that authority. I needed someone to say my idea was good enough, that I was on target or at least getting close.

And then it hit me.

I was waiting for reassurance that my idea would be accepted. But, by whom?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized there wasn’t a committee in the sky judging whether or not my idea was good enough. There wasn’t a single, all-knowing voice granting or denying me permission.

There wasn’t a set of guidelines that said: Yes, you are savvy enough or smart enough or worthy of this. Go get ’em tiger.

In truth, I was free to do what I wanted to do. It was OK.

I didn’t need someone else to tell me to go for it. I didn’t need someone else to do it first. I didn’t need anyone’s approval.

If something sounded good, I was free to try it. Of course, it might not work. But that isn’t the point.

The point is freedom. There was no more waiting, only ideas to mold and plans to act on.

I hereby grant you lifelong permission.

I know I’m different from most (don’t get me started!), but chances are good that you’re waiting just as I did.

You’re waiting for approval, for acceptance, for permission.

And though you don’t need any of that, I’m giving it to you just in case the message above isn’t enough to soothe your worried mind.

I grant you permission.

I grant you permission to be yourself. I grant you permission to take that brilliant idea you have and run with it. I grant you permission to live outside the norm and to hop-skip-jump to the beat of your own quirky drummer.

I grant you permission to do things you’ve never done.

I grant you permission to reach out to other people in ways you never have, pushing yourself past where it feels comfortable, but where it feels real.

I grant you permission to say what you think and to feel what you feel.

I grant you permission to stop doing what you think we want you to do. We don’t want you to do that anyway.

I grant you permission, my friend, to do, to be, and to have all the things that quiet little voice of hope whispers in your ear.

Don’t wait. Don’t linger. Make something happen.

You can do it. It’s OK.

Why 'present day' relationships in Ghana don't work: 14th February, 2011

In this month of love and expectedly today the feast of St. Valentine, I would like to go through some of my personal observations regarding the fate of recent marriages.

Generations ago when our grandparents were children, the woman’s place was the home. She took care of the domestic needs of her family. If she was single, her duty was to her parents and brothers; when married it was to her husband, children and in-laws. A girl was considered ripe for marriage as soon as she experiences her first monthly flow and the 'puberty rite' of passage of initiation from childhood to adulthood was performed for her. A man’s duty was to himself and parents until he got married. In the Patrilineal system of inheritance he had a share in his father’s property. In the Matrilineal system, he had a share in his maternal uncle’s property. He was considered ripe for marriage if he had a regular source of income and had his own accommodation and household needs. Marriage was contracted between two families instead of only the two individuals involved. The two families owed it a duty to ensure the success of the sacred contract.
Most women were full time home makers and even when they earned some income at all, it was meager.
To them a husband was a 'lord' and a 'father figure', the one who took care of their every need. Since most 'girl children' had no share in the inheritance of their fathers house, their aspiration was to get married to a responsible and industrious man who was capable of taking care of all their needs including their financial needs. To most men, it was a big favour to have asked for a woman’s hand in marriage and for most women it was a privilege if someone came to ask for your hand in marriage.
Most women had no say in decision making of their homes since they remained at the receiving end of their husbands taste, choice, preference and generosity in all issues including those that were of direct relation to the welfare of the woman.

Today, a lot has changed. Most girls are considered ripe for marriage after completing a trade or completion of a form of post-secondary profession or University degree. The average Ghanaian woman is employed and earns enough to take care of her needs. The reality of situations is that, she now rubs shoulders with her male counterpart. Also, today, young men are considered ripe not only when they have a decent job and accommodation but when they meet a girl they will want to marry without necessarily having social or financial independence.
Today, young women don't sit at home waiting for a man to ask their hand in marriage anymore. They meet their spouses whilst studying or at the work environment. Arrangements are made without concrete input from parents or respective extended families.
The union therefore is greatly dependent on the two individuals involved. The expenses of some marriages are paid for by both the man and the woman. So right from the onset, 'power sharing' begins :).

In the midst of challenges, it is the two individuals involved who thrush it out. There is very little family influence or involvement which helped save some marriages in the past. Therefore when the two involved get tired of trying, they end it at their own level.
In addition, in the past, the woman was in charge of every household chore since that was her contribution towards the running of the home. Today’s woman wishes for some help in this regard since her duties extend beyond the home to a carrier. If her expectations in this regard are not met, it could be a source of tension.
Secondly, in the past 'submission' on the part of the woman came naturally since she depended on the husband for her every need. Today, submission is not the fancy of many women and does not seem to make sense to them once they pay for their every need including 'dowry' sometimes :). If the man's expectation in this regard is not met, it could create problems.

Also, some young men still have the ideas of their grandfathers :) regarding the role of a wife. He has not risen to the reality that the world has evolved, the environment has changed and so has mentalities. This when not handled cautiously can challenge the foundations of the marriage.
I believe that all the parties involved in today’s marriage should rise to the challenges that culture is dynamic and some of the ways of doing things have changed. It is only when recent realities are acknowledged can people make informed decisions and judgments to save their marriages.
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY !!!