For years (and even now, if I’m honest) I waited for permission.
I needed confirmation from this person or an OK from that authority. I needed someone to say my idea was good enough, that I was on target or at least getting close.
And then it hit me.
I was waiting for reassurance that my idea would be accepted. But, by whom?
The more I thought about it, the more I realized there wasn’t a committee in the sky judging whether or not my idea was good enough. There wasn’t a single, all-knowing voice granting or denying me permission.
There wasn’t a set of guidelines that said: Yes, you are savvy enough or smart enough or worthy of this. Go get ’em tiger.
In truth, I was free to do what I wanted to do. It was OK.
I didn’t need someone else to tell me to go for it. I didn’t need someone else to do it first. I didn’t need anyone’s approval.
If something sounded good, I was free to try it. Of course, it might not work. But that isn’t the point.
The point is freedom. There was no more waiting, only ideas to mold and plans to act on.
I hereby grant you lifelong permission.
I know I’m different from most (don’t get me started!), but chances are good that you’re waiting just as I did.
You’re waiting for approval, for acceptance, for permission.
And though you don’t need any of that, I’m giving it to you just in case the message above isn’t enough to soothe your worried mind.
I grant you permission.
I grant you permission to be yourself. I grant you permission to take that brilliant idea you have and run with it. I grant you permission to live outside the norm and to hop-skip-jump to the beat of your own quirky drummer.
I grant you permission to do things you’ve never done.
I grant you permission to reach out to other people in ways you never have, pushing yourself past where it feels comfortable, but where it feels real.
I grant you permission to say what you think and to feel what you feel.
I grant you permission to stop doing what you think we want you to do. We don’t want you to do that anyway.
I grant you permission, my friend, to do, to be, and to have all the things that quiet little voice of hope whispers in your ear.
Don’t wait. Don’t linger. Make something happen.
You can do it. It’s OK.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Why 'present day' relationships in Ghana don't work: 14th February, 2011
In this month of love and expectedly today the feast of St. Valentine, I would like to go through some of my personal observations regarding the fate of recent marriages.
Generations ago when our grandparents were children, the woman’s place was the home. She took care of the domestic needs of her family. If she was single, her duty was to her parents and brothers; when married it was to her husband, children and in-laws. A girl was considered ripe for marriage as soon as she experiences her first monthly flow and the 'puberty rite' of passage of initiation from childhood to adulthood was performed for her. A man’s duty was to himself and parents until he got married. In the Patrilineal system of inheritance he had a share in his father’s property. In the Matrilineal system, he had a share in his maternal uncle’s property. He was considered ripe for marriage if he had a regular source of income and had his own accommodation and household needs. Marriage was contracted between two families instead of only the two individuals involved. The two families owed it a duty to ensure the success of the sacred contract.
Most women were full time home makers and even when they earned some income at all, it was meager.
To them a husband was a 'lord' and a 'father figure', the one who took care of their every need. Since most 'girl children' had no share in the inheritance of their fathers house, their aspiration was to get married to a responsible and industrious man who was capable of taking care of all their needs including their financial needs. To most men, it was a big favour to have asked for a woman’s hand in marriage and for most women it was a privilege if someone came to ask for your hand in marriage.
Most women had no say in decision making of their homes since they remained at the receiving end of their husbands taste, choice, preference and generosity in all issues including those that were of direct relation to the welfare of the woman.
Today, a lot has changed. Most girls are considered ripe for marriage after completing a trade or completion of a form of post-secondary profession or University degree. The average Ghanaian woman is employed and earns enough to take care of her needs. The reality of situations is that, she now rubs shoulders with her male counterpart. Also, today, young men are considered ripe not only when they have a decent job and accommodation but when they meet a girl they will want to marry without necessarily having social or financial independence.
Today, young women don't sit at home waiting for a man to ask their hand in marriage anymore. They meet their spouses whilst studying or at the work environment. Arrangements are made without concrete input from parents or respective extended families.
The union therefore is greatly dependent on the two individuals involved. The expenses of some marriages are paid for by both the man and the woman. So right from the onset, 'power sharing' begins :).
In the midst of challenges, it is the two individuals involved who thrush it out. There is very little family influence or involvement which helped save some marriages in the past. Therefore when the two involved get tired of trying, they end it at their own level.
In addition, in the past, the woman was in charge of every household chore since that was her contribution towards the running of the home. Today’s woman wishes for some help in this regard since her duties extend beyond the home to a carrier. If her expectations in this regard are not met, it could be a source of tension.
Secondly, in the past 'submission' on the part of the woman came naturally since she depended on the husband for her every need. Today, submission is not the fancy of many women and does not seem to make sense to them once they pay for their every need including 'dowry' sometimes :). If the man's expectation in this regard is not met, it could create problems.
Also, some young men still have the ideas of their grandfathers :) regarding the role of a wife. He has not risen to the reality that the world has evolved, the environment has changed and so has mentalities. This when not handled cautiously can challenge the foundations of the marriage.
I believe that all the parties involved in today’s marriage should rise to the challenges that culture is dynamic and some of the ways of doing things have changed. It is only when recent realities are acknowledged can people make informed decisions and judgments to save their marriages.
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY !!!
Generations ago when our grandparents were children, the woman’s place was the home. She took care of the domestic needs of her family. If she was single, her duty was to her parents and brothers; when married it was to her husband, children and in-laws. A girl was considered ripe for marriage as soon as she experiences her first monthly flow and the 'puberty rite' of passage of initiation from childhood to adulthood was performed for her. A man’s duty was to himself and parents until he got married. In the Patrilineal system of inheritance he had a share in his father’s property. In the Matrilineal system, he had a share in his maternal uncle’s property. He was considered ripe for marriage if he had a regular source of income and had his own accommodation and household needs. Marriage was contracted between two families instead of only the two individuals involved. The two families owed it a duty to ensure the success of the sacred contract.
Most women were full time home makers and even when they earned some income at all, it was meager.
To them a husband was a 'lord' and a 'father figure', the one who took care of their every need. Since most 'girl children' had no share in the inheritance of their fathers house, their aspiration was to get married to a responsible and industrious man who was capable of taking care of all their needs including their financial needs. To most men, it was a big favour to have asked for a woman’s hand in marriage and for most women it was a privilege if someone came to ask for your hand in marriage.
Most women had no say in decision making of their homes since they remained at the receiving end of their husbands taste, choice, preference and generosity in all issues including those that were of direct relation to the welfare of the woman.
Today, a lot has changed. Most girls are considered ripe for marriage after completing a trade or completion of a form of post-secondary profession or University degree. The average Ghanaian woman is employed and earns enough to take care of her needs. The reality of situations is that, she now rubs shoulders with her male counterpart. Also, today, young men are considered ripe not only when they have a decent job and accommodation but when they meet a girl they will want to marry without necessarily having social or financial independence.
Today, young women don't sit at home waiting for a man to ask their hand in marriage anymore. They meet their spouses whilst studying or at the work environment. Arrangements are made without concrete input from parents or respective extended families.
The union therefore is greatly dependent on the two individuals involved. The expenses of some marriages are paid for by both the man and the woman. So right from the onset, 'power sharing' begins :).
In the midst of challenges, it is the two individuals involved who thrush it out. There is very little family influence or involvement which helped save some marriages in the past. Therefore when the two involved get tired of trying, they end it at their own level.
In addition, in the past, the woman was in charge of every household chore since that was her contribution towards the running of the home. Today’s woman wishes for some help in this regard since her duties extend beyond the home to a carrier. If her expectations in this regard are not met, it could be a source of tension.
Secondly, in the past 'submission' on the part of the woman came naturally since she depended on the husband for her every need. Today, submission is not the fancy of many women and does not seem to make sense to them once they pay for their every need including 'dowry' sometimes :). If the man's expectation in this regard is not met, it could create problems.
Also, some young men still have the ideas of their grandfathers :) regarding the role of a wife. He has not risen to the reality that the world has evolved, the environment has changed and so has mentalities. This when not handled cautiously can challenge the foundations of the marriage.
I believe that all the parties involved in today’s marriage should rise to the challenges that culture is dynamic and some of the ways of doing things have changed. It is only when recent realities are acknowledged can people make informed decisions and judgments to save their marriages.
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY !!!
Friday, January 14, 2011
HAPPY NEW YEAR (January 2011)
It has been a while and I guess you have been wondering what happened. I have been doing a lot of 'inward looking' and 'personal assessment' as the year was drawing to a close.
However I decided to write most of my thoughts in my memoir rather that post them in public. So here we are. To start with, I must say that God has been so good to me!!! The year 2010 was not easy. It was a year of growing up, loosing my mind and rediscovering it J. I have also strained myself like I have never before in order to prove a point.
I look forward to a more relaxed year, strategically working as my kid bro will say, 'working smart' and not 'working hard'. I fought a lot of battles the past year. This year I would rather watch as the lord fights my battles for me. As for me, the only one I trust wholeheartedly is my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He is my source, strength and sustainer.
The year is entirely dedicated to him. I have my plans and definitely will work towards achieving them. But ‘unless the lord builds the house, the laborers labor in vain’. So sweet Jesus, take the wheel and drive me to happiness, wealth, health and accomplished dreams. I wish same for my family and friends.
Happy New Year
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
IMAGINATION By Bob Proctor
Have you ever wondered how children can sit through replays of their favorite
Lion King or Little Mermaid video? It amazes me that they’ll watch the same show everyday without a single complaint or request for something new. What’s more amazing, though, is that adults do the very same thing with their days. The majority of men and women play “movies” in their heads day after day relentlessly focusing on past events, most of which are unpleasant and disturbing experiences. If they’re actually able to stop their contemplation of past events, then they allow impressions of their current surroundings and recent results to govern their thoughts. If they contemplate the future it is usually by worrying about it, or wishing that something better might come along. Then they wonder why bad things keep happening to them, or why they never rise above the issues and obstacles in their lives.While it is true that people are free to think anything they please, as long as they remain set in their ways, there is very little that can be done to change the unpleasant experiences that keep cropping up in their lives.
Recently, the study of the mind and its veritable unearthly power is at last taking its proper place in modern civilization. Proper use of the mind and its various faculties will give you anything you choose – but the emphasis here is on the word “proper.” To move in this direction requires study and focused, consistent effort with a good measure of creativity stirred in.
Just as the oak tree develops from the gene that lies within the acorn and a bird develops from the gene that lies asleep in the egg, so too will your achievements grow from the organized plans that first begin with your imagination. An image in your mind is the first stage of the creative process in life. From your imagination your visions and plans arise.
In his best selling book, Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill wrote, “You will never have a definite purpose in life; you will never have self confidence; you will never have initiative and leadership unless you first create these qualities in your imagination and see yourself in possession of them.” He went on to say, “... imagination is the most marvellous, miraculous, inconceivably powerful force the world has ever known.”
There is a concept called “Fantasy - Theory - Fact.” The premise underlying this concept is that everything has its origination in the form of Fantasy, which some adventurous souls dare turn into a theory and then boldly turn into fact.
Give this serious thought for a moment. The idea of moon landings,
communicating by email, traveling on jets, cellular phones or wearing synthetic garments was, a very short time ago, sheer fantasy. Today, they are considered commonplace. Your marvelous mind has factors that you can, with little effort, develop to use to improve the quality of life, not just for yourself, but for human kind. Imagination is one of those creative faculties. The individuals who were responsible for the conception and creation of the email, cell phones and any of the thousands of modern conveniences we enjoy today had a highly developed imagination. Furthermore, they were not easily influenced by the opinions of the masses, the naysayers who historically have criticized and ridiculed anything they do not understand. These pioneers used their mental faculties to fantasize, to build wild and wonderful pictures in their mind. Then, holding their thought with their will, they watched their fantasy unfold into a theory and then into fact.
They seemed to have an innate awareness that if they could visualize it, they could do it. Use this power to let your mind play. Fantasize a much better life than you presently enjoy. Draft your future with imagination, ponder and calculate with intelligence and awareness, then knit it carefully with care. Next, devise paths and find tools to help get you there. Commit to reach new goals. The only barrier separating you from your goal is ignorance – ignorance of how simple, and simply powerful, your mind really is.
Bob Proctor is widely regarded as one of the living masters and teachers of The Law of Attraction. Featured in the blockbuster hit, The Secret, Proctor has worked in the area of mind potential for over 40 years, is the best-selling author of You Were Born Rich, and has transformed the lives of millions through his books, seminars, courses and personal coaching.
Lion King or Little Mermaid video? It amazes me that they’ll watch the same show everyday without a single complaint or request for something new. What’s more amazing, though, is that adults do the very same thing with their days. The majority of men and women play “movies” in their heads day after day relentlessly focusing on past events, most of which are unpleasant and disturbing experiences. If they’re actually able to stop their contemplation of past events, then they allow impressions of their current surroundings and recent results to govern their thoughts. If they contemplate the future it is usually by worrying about it, or wishing that something better might come along. Then they wonder why bad things keep happening to them, or why they never rise above the issues and obstacles in their lives.While it is true that people are free to think anything they please, as long as they remain set in their ways, there is very little that can be done to change the unpleasant experiences that keep cropping up in their lives.
Recently, the study of the mind and its veritable unearthly power is at last taking its proper place in modern civilization. Proper use of the mind and its various faculties will give you anything you choose – but the emphasis here is on the word “proper.” To move in this direction requires study and focused, consistent effort with a good measure of creativity stirred in.
Just as the oak tree develops from the gene that lies within the acorn and a bird develops from the gene that lies asleep in the egg, so too will your achievements grow from the organized plans that first begin with your imagination. An image in your mind is the first stage of the creative process in life. From your imagination your visions and plans arise.
In his best selling book, Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill wrote, “You will never have a definite purpose in life; you will never have self confidence; you will never have initiative and leadership unless you first create these qualities in your imagination and see yourself in possession of them.” He went on to say, “... imagination is the most marvellous, miraculous, inconceivably powerful force the world has ever known.”
There is a concept called “Fantasy - Theory - Fact.” The premise underlying this concept is that everything has its origination in the form of Fantasy, which some adventurous souls dare turn into a theory and then boldly turn into fact.
Give this serious thought for a moment. The idea of moon landings,
communicating by email, traveling on jets, cellular phones or wearing synthetic garments was, a very short time ago, sheer fantasy. Today, they are considered commonplace. Your marvelous mind has factors that you can, with little effort, develop to use to improve the quality of life, not just for yourself, but for human kind. Imagination is one of those creative faculties. The individuals who were responsible for the conception and creation of the email, cell phones and any of the thousands of modern conveniences we enjoy today had a highly developed imagination. Furthermore, they were not easily influenced by the opinions of the masses, the naysayers who historically have criticized and ridiculed anything they do not understand. These pioneers used their mental faculties to fantasize, to build wild and wonderful pictures in their mind. Then, holding their thought with their will, they watched their fantasy unfold into a theory and then into fact.
They seemed to have an innate awareness that if they could visualize it, they could do it. Use this power to let your mind play. Fantasize a much better life than you presently enjoy. Draft your future with imagination, ponder and calculate with intelligence and awareness, then knit it carefully with care. Next, devise paths and find tools to help get you there. Commit to reach new goals. The only barrier separating you from your goal is ignorance – ignorance of how simple, and simply powerful, your mind really is.
Bob Proctor is widely regarded as one of the living masters and teachers of The Law of Attraction. Featured in the blockbuster hit, The Secret, Proctor has worked in the area of mind potential for over 40 years, is the best-selling author of You Were Born Rich, and has transformed the lives of millions through his books, seminars, courses and personal coaching.
Monday, September 27, 2010
GHANA YΕWƆ ADZE A OYE (GHANA WE HAVE GOOD STUFF)
The more I see different places, the more I appreciate my homeland Ghana
The level of civilisation in Ghana
The world indeed has become a global village. I always have get eye brows raised when mediocrity displeases me when the general song is ‘it’s so nice’. Sometimes I go like what is so nice about that? Or am I so difficult to please? Yes indeed it takes something ‘really good’ to awe me. This is because I come from a country where one can have 24 hrs of internet connection together with telephone calls and pay a monthly subscription of less than $ 500. Where one can own a land in a city with $ 6000. Do you know that it is unlawful for an individual to own land in most countries? A country where people can afford the luxury of all modes and brands of automobile even the one made today? I come from Kwahu Obomeng in the Eastern region, and I bet you some of the buildings you find at the Kwahu ridge could pass for ‘tourist’ attractions or ‘national heritage’ elsewhere lol. Our famous east legon, cantonments, airport residential, University staff accommodation and other bungalows can pass for residents in modern cities world wide. I still think there is still room for a whole lot more improvement.
The average 3 star hotel like Busua, Miklin or Pink panther comes with sparkling clear rooms, bathrooms and scenery. You will be amazed to discover that hotel standards in some of the perceived well off nations are so low as having bed bugs in rooms. I am sure if this happened in Ghana
I can go on and on. But the point I am trying to drive home is that, Ghanaians are conscious of ‘what is good’ and demand it from stakeholders everyday hence the continuous rambling in the news when things don’t work as expected.
Personally I think Ghana
It is about time for us to tell the ‘good’ story of Africa and Ghana
This is because; global politics is all about ideas and perceptions. ‘Tell people the same story over and over again and that is what they will believe’. Tell them they are 3rd world and incapable of making it on their own, and so it has been.
I think it is about time the Ghanaian youth is inculcated with ‘self belief’ that we can build our nation on our own and not to fold their arms awaiting the next available plane to ‘abrokyire’ where people with masters degrees wash dishes. This is not to demean any profession but to encourage the youth to return home after gaining education and experience elsewhere. I was once listening to a preacher who said:
‘If you don’t say you are, no one will tell you thou art’.
Monday, August 9, 2010
The Awakening
As the days go by, I see myself being transformed by the Almighty God who created me. My smile is back, my springing steps are back, my funny giggles and chuckles are gradually emerging. I have started morning jogging. I guess a lot has to do with that. Thanks bro, for talking me into jogging again. It has always been part of me till i had a change of environment and slacked. I am glad of how i feel now but I am trusting the Almighty who has brought me this far to restore me back to where I belong. To the place of giants and eagles. Amen
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Turning point
The past months have been one of the most difficult periods of my adult life. I have been through what I call the 'baptism' of fire.
I have been through the worse form of discrimination and inconsideration. My ego has been bruised and my pride trampled on. I have been a complete shadow of myself. But I am coming back. I am gradually waking up from my slumber. God has sustained me and given me reason to smile again.
To his name be all the glory and honour. Amen
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